Oh ho ho ho - tell me you don't just come here for the witty blog headlines! WEAK-end?!? Ho ho ho ho! What a laff!
But seriously - I can only report weekend triumph. Which is no doubt ho-hum and disappointing for all you baying for the blood of my failure. But, alas, I can walk away from this weekend with my held held aloft. I knocked back toobs, chicken and chips, endless glasses of cordial (yes, I have been hanging out with my five-year-old friends a lot...) and the worst of my excesses was a solitary cookie from subway (come on you bastards - it was free!!!).
Ok but here's the thing i should have put first and have just hastily tacked onto my heading - I finally got around to weighing myself.
I had to sneak home to do it, under false pretences, because i can't really tell me mum about my weight loss blog and ambitions, because well... mum won't believe it. Not the blog or the ambitions, but the fact i'm fat in the first place. She could easily have been one of those mums of serial killers that just holds up photos of her mass-murdering baby to the press and says what a lovely young fellow he is.
"He's not a serial killer. He just left some people in some barrels for a little while".
So I had to sneak into the bathroom, quietly disrobed (that's get nude for all those of you trying to avoid the mental image of my naked self standing on scales), and then quickly get out - without forgetting to flush the toilet I didn't use and to wash the hands that didn't touch my stinky bits.
And so... without further blahblahblah... I weigh...
114 kilos.
That's big. But been about my base weight for 5 years. I honestly can't remember when i was under the hunj. Actually I weighed 85kgs in year 7 I remember that. Which is huge for a 12 year old kid.
So that's it - stay with me as i try to crack the ton. And if you are out with me don't buy me beers or encourage me to eat junk food. Cos i'm weak like a poodle.
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