Holla amigos,
i know it's been a long time since I rapped at you but my casual student life has been transformed into shitstorm of responsibilies the last two weeks.
I'm on school prac, teaching Year 7's, and well I've just had more to consider than which cottage cheese has less saturated fat and whether or not the sugar in coke is actually hugely less harmful than the chemical coacktail that is coke zero.
Also the diet has become such a drag. Hard work does this. Hard demands hard meals. Hard work demands food reward. Hard work demands huge gobfulls of gravy smeared steak washed down with the oil of crisp fries.
Yeh I'm sorry, but when i've been working my ass to the bone I can find no solace in a bowl of blanched vegetables or a thimble of tofu. Especially when that work is being done for gratis. Life is just a bitch. I mean i don't want to rag on it too much (I realise some of you work like all day all year unlike me who works in a four week burst then takes the other 48 weeks to recuperate) but shit if working for free just isn't the harshest beats. And so i need some joy in life, none of which is coming from my heaterless house and 1980s tv complete with missing remote control.
So I turn to food.
Which is a problem because once upon time, when men were men and men dug holes and put bricks in huge piles and called them pyramids, you would work hard all day, then fill yourself up withdelicious meats, breads and harden fats (dripping for those that don't know). It was a good life. Nay, a great life.
But now life stinks. You work like a dog. But not a dog rounding up sheep and chasing cars, a dog sitting in his kennel with his computer, playing minesweeper and checking facebook. And so you eat an apple for lunch and then gain weight. It's bullshit.
So who do I blame? Society? Bill Gates? You? No. I blame science.
Science has made me fat. If it wasn't for science I'd be asleep by now. Because it would be 9pm and the last candle would have burnt out and the house would have been dark. I would have made swift, unpassionate love to my wife, and most likely concieved a child because of the complete lack of condoms and pills. But before all that I would have been working in the field, shearing goats and milking llamas, burning 3000 calories by lunch alone. But instead, I'm writing a whiny blog about weight loss! What is that science? Is that what you call progess!?
WELL I POO POO YOUR PROGRESS!!
Science is a dud.
Which leads me to the great pleasure of announcing that despite the best efforts of science, I have actually last weight this past fortnight!
Previous weight: 114kg.
New weight: 111.6kg.
And earlier this year i topped in at 117!
SHOVE THAT UP YOUR APPLE SCIENCE! WOOOOOOOOO!
